I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
