I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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