dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
