just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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