my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
