I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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