You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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