Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
