4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
