i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
