is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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