suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize