If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Welp...herpes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
