i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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