just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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