I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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