Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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