I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
