My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
