It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
