I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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