swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
