I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize