he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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