I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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