when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
