you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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