I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
