i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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