He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
