Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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