I think I am morally bankrupt
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
