So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
