You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
