yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
