He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
