I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize