Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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