God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
