Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize