The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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