Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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