hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
