I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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