No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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