I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
