Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
