It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize