Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
