I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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