I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize