then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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