the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
