I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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