Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
