i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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