Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
