what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
