Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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