I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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