i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
