her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
