he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My penis needs a shock collar
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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