just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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