I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
