Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I want is dick and wine.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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