i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just had sex bonerless
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
