Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
