On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
