well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
