It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
