I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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