its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
