We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
