Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love you. Go after that dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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