Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
